Author: Cody Galea

You will never be able to “move on” from anything in your life. A moment, an event, a life, a loss of one, whatever it may be. Because these things that happen to you, or involve you, are now a part of you. They’re a part of your being/spirit/existence/timeline/path. And they’re very real. Like an accident, a sudden change in lifestyle, losing a loved one, losing a baby, losing a person, or a relationship. You can’t run away from things like this no matter how hard you try.

You are not the same as you were before that happened and you won’t ever be. There is no “going back to the way it was”.

If you continue to try and move on from moments in your life looking to get back to before, you’ll find yourself going nowhere, Because moving on is your attempt to leave a part of yourself behind, and your soul won’t let that happen. The next big moment in your life cannot come to you without the experience and knowledge from the moments prior, whether they were good or bad. And As crappy as these things are and how bad they may feel, they are a part of you now. I can’t walk away without my arm, it’s connected to me. Just like I can’t walk away without my trauma. It’s part of me now.

There’s no correct timeline for you to be in a position to move forward to your next phase, but there is one thing you can control; how long it takes. 

Take a second to think about what your decisions could possibly entail for you in your future. And think about what ripple effects you cause in the lives of those around you as well. Because even if you don’t feel big or important, you have an impact on a lot more people than you think, just like how others have made a lasting impact and change on you.

I am not who I am today without the things that have happened to me. And you are not who you are without what has happened to you. These things shouldn’t define you, but they now have a place in your makeup as a person, so embrace it.

Life is weird and works out in the oddest ways. It can tear you apart if you let it. Don’t.

We’re coming up on the 1 year of Title Boxing Club being open in Sacramento as well as my 1 year of being a member/trainer there, and I thought I would take a moment to document not my experience or review of the club, but the impact being apart of this gym, and its family, has had on me as an athlete, coach, and person.

Starting as a member here I had my personal reasons as to why I wanted to join. I wanted to find a gym to get back into boxing again and Title had everything I needed. They had all the equipment and flexible times necessary for me to take advantage of. Where they go above and beyond though, is the people they have running the gym. The workout is cool, the location is cool, everything is cool, but the difference is the faces you see and interact with when you walk in every day. The staff is kind and helpful and inspiring and all of those things, but that isn’t what made me pull the trigger on signing up and to continue coming.

The difference with them, which is something that makes me commit to people personally, is that they challenged me. Not just physically, but mentally and spiritually. They challenged me to take a look in the mirror and ask myself if I was doing everything I could to be a better version of myself. They made me question myself and the decisions I was making, helping me become more self-aware. Helping instill confidence and a newfound belief in myself. And the best part is that they didn’t even know that was the aura and effect they were putting out into the room, they were just being themselves the only way they knew how. The group pushed me in so many more ways than you expect from a gym, and that to me was special. Anyone can help you break a sweat, but not many can help you change yourself from the inside out. That’s what led me to jump at the opportunity to become a trainer for them. I wanted to be around them and I wanted to be able to help people become better versions of themselves like they helped me become.

I still remember the reaction I got from the team as a whole when I reached out with interest in joining them. They made me feel like I was already apart of the team and that just gave me a sense of belonging. I knew I had the tools and ability to lead classes there, but I really wanted to surround myself with the staff because they pushed me mentally while also having faith in my abilities. I wake up every day with the goal of progressing who I am as a person and as a trainer because I have great people to look up to and we have a standard that we hold each other to, and that is a big driving factor in my growth.

But, what keeps me evolving and keeps the fire lit under me are the club members. I walk in every day with them in mind, and what matters to me the most is how much they enjoyed the class. What they think of class and how it makes them feel is the most important thing for me. I write my classes up with them in mind, and now they push me to be the best version of myself. It’s no longer about me or what I want, its all about the people I’m there for and that has opened my eyes to a lot of things I was blind to. They have been a blessing in disguise for me and I’m extremely thankful for the members who trust myself and us with helping them on their fitness journey.

Title has been a huge part of my personal growth as a whole. I think my life looks much different today if I never walk up to their pop-up tent and through their door. The people I now have in my life because of it, the connections I’ve made, and even the ability it gave me to reconnect with certain people who had been missing from my life, have made being apart of this family so worth it and I’m glad I did so.

So thank you to my fellow staff and members for being apart of this continuous and awesome journey. It’s because of all of you together that makes this place so special.

1 year down, forever to go.

 

There’s a quote I heard from someone I know that goes, “You start growing when you aren’t worried what people think of you when you leave the room and start wondering how you made them feel.” That’s something that has sat with me ever since I heard it and it has caused me to think about myself and my place in this world. Proposing the idea that maybe what you want doesn’t matter as much as you hoped it does, and forcing your agenda affects people around you negatively.

One of the most upsetting things in this life is wanting something or someone you can’t have. All of us have been in that position at one time or another and I think we can all agree it’s a pretty bad feeling. But, it feels even worse when you think that what you want is more important than what others want. Once you fall into that way of thinking everything seems to be against you. You start asking why everyone else doesn’t want what you want and you project that feeling onto others, expecting them to fulfill your wants. And when they don’t or can’t, they seem to have no value to you. You’re more worried about what you want than being in the moment or enjoying the presence of others. Activities aren’t as fun because what you’re doing might not be what you wanted to do. Trying to force these things takes away the natural flow of events and relationships. Precious time spent goes wasted because you were upset that it wasn’t how you wanted it to be exactly, and what could have been an amazing time is ruined because it wasn’t “perfect” when in reality it was. You just couldn’t see it.

Wanting something doesn’t mean you’re going to get it, or achieve it, or even experience it. Just because you want something in no way means that it will happen. Sometimes certain things will forever stay something you work for and never actually have. It’s just the way life works sometimes. So you can have that fact be a hindrance on your life or you can leave it as it is. A want.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t want things, you should always have wants in life and put effort into working for them. But what I am saying though is you shouldn’t base your life’s value on whether or not you get what you wanted. Not everyone gets everything they want. That’s how its always been for as long as humans have been on this planet, and I promise you that isn’t going to change for you.

So put your energy into others and stop worrying about if you’re getting what you want or not. Trying to force your own agenda will never be as fulfilling as spending time with others and doing things with zero expectations.

I don’t know what it is about people that makes them put off important things in their lives. I’m not talking about jobs, or assignments, or deadlines. More like things that don’t have an immediate reward. Working out, dieting, saving money, etc. A common dialogue between people is always, “I wish I would have started that sooner”. The immediate effect is so minescual and the negative impact is so minimal, that people put off these things until they find themselves in a hole. After awhile, all those  “I’ll start tomorrow”s add up and next thing you know its 6 months later and you’re right where you were, sometimes worse off. But, Im not here to talk about finances and fitness or anything like that. What ive experienced in this area of life is more in between the ears than anything.

The thoughts and feelings you hold inside your mind, good or bad, project outwards from you every minute of your day. They are so subtle that you don’t notice them at the moment but are massive red flags when you look back and see them. Nobody is perfect, and everyone has issues they’re dealing with in one way or another, but hardly anyone does anything to address them. For me, I have done an okay job at realizing what makes me tick in the wrong direction, and what I need to do to help myself out mentally, but I have yet to make any significant strides to do so. I know how I want to act, and be, and react in certain situations. I know what moments in my past hold myself hostage. I even know what I need to do to free myself. But… I never actually do it. I even take the initial steps to do so, but I put those issues in my back pocket and forget about them. And, when they come back and affect me in my life, I wonder what’s wrong, knowing damn well it’s the unhandled issues I have.

Everyone experiences trauma in their life. Some more severe than others, but in general everyone does. There’s nothing you can do about that. You can’t change the past, and you can’t just forget about it. Whatever happened to you isn’t your fault and you had no control over it. The only thing you do have control over is making sure you step out of your comfort zone and hold yourself accountable when it comes to addressing how these traumas affect your psyche, and if/how they bleed into your personality.

I, myself, am on this boat, which is a big reason why I decided to put it down in writing, almost like a journal. There are multiple situations and relationships in my life that have directly been affected by things from my past that I have been harboring and done nothing about. Relationships can’t progress, strictly because of what’s going on in my head. Relationships that have ended in a sense because I haven’t been able to let go of the past. I’ve burdened people I care about with things that are solely my problem. Time goes by, emotions get buried, and now everything feels like its normal. But the wind kicks up around that person, and now all of the scars that were left untreated are exposed again, and for some reason you blame them. You stagnate. You move forward. It causes you to start fights with people you care about because you’re the one that’s “hurt”. You think back about how your life might’ve been if this or that thing hadn’t happened. You haven’t grown from things that occurred 2,3,4 years ago, because they still have a hold on you. They infiltrate your thoughts because you haven’t addressed them. And they tear at any foundation you have with others in your life.

But the worst thing is, you have discovered what you have to do to help yourself. You have asked the questions, made the phone calls, and got the information you need. But then you stopped. You started feeling okay, and better, so you continued living your life normally like you were, doing the same things you’ve always done. Until, something happened, and then you weren’t okay, because what you felt wasn’t progress. It was numbness. And the scary thing about that is you don’t feel bad, but you also don’t feel right. You stop doing the things you need to do because of it. Now, days down the road you find yourself in a situation that you aren’t ready for, and you go right back into your toxic ways. Still right where you started, and sometimes with fewer people in your corner.

It is easy to stay where you are. It’s comfortable to keep doing the same thing you always have. It’s comfortable to stay in your easy ways. But you’ll never heal. Like a wound you never treat, it will scar severely and leave a lifelong mark on you. Everyone you come across will take on the burden of your pain and scars, and for that reason, you’ll watch good things, and good people come into your life, and just as quickly leave because all you’re giving them are your scars and issues. You’re hiding pieces of yourself, never able to show anyone or anything all that you have to offer.

Stop saying you’re going to fix it and go get it done.

Hello! I know haven’t written anything in a couple of months, and that’s because I’ve had a massive case a “writer’s block”. There’s been nothing inspiring me enough to write about, so I’m taking a lesson from myself in the past and I’m going to write about something old and close to me. Nothing like getting the juices flowing than just doing more of what you’re trying to get done.

Everyone has hobbies. Everyone has activities that they enjoy doing to pass the time or better themselves. But, what I’ve noticed that most people go through phases where they dive deep into a new hobby and then they are over it 6 months down the road. On the other hand, there are people who have a “defining” hobby, one that is part of the makeup of themselves as a person. Not necessarily something they do to better themselves, but an activity that seems as if it’s embedded into their DNA. It is what makes them who they are, not just something they do.

For me, it’s the weight room. Or even just exercising in its entirety. I’m 27 years old, and I’ve been working out for about 20 years, pretty much since I began training in Shootfighting at the age of 6. Ever since then, the gym is where I go to sift through my mind and put my energy into positive action. While it benefitted me physically, it also made a big impact on me mentally. What it means to me and my mentality towards it, is a lot different than most everyone I’ve met in my life.

I work out every day. I always do something physical, even if it’s as little as just one set of push-ups, I do some form of a work out every day. I plan my days around what kind of work out I’m going to do and what time I’m going to do it. I’ve altered and even canceled plans in order to make sure I did what I needed to get done. And honestly, I’ll work out twice a day most days, because one isn’t enough. A day without it will throw me out of whack and ruin my mood for the rest of the day. It’s the one constant in my life that I know I can count on regardless of the time, weather, or where I am in the world. It’s comforting to know that no matter how bad things might ever get, there’s an option for me to fall back on to make things better within myself.

Where I work out is very sacred to me. I work out on my own more times than I work out with others, because of what it means to me.  I don’t like having people with me because they usually don’t have the same view of it as I do and don’t possess the same mentality for it as myself. Yes, there are others who go to the same gyms, and there are groups of others I train amongst within certain settings, but they are members of the gym just like I am. It’s more a case of them working out at the same time as I do, and not necessarily with me. But, there is a very small group of people in my life who I have invited to come and work out with me, and in some special cases, to come and join the gym with me. They all happen to be people I really care about. I don’t just let others work out with me, I’ll even make excuses as to why I can’t work out with them for that reason. It’s very important to me, and it is a piece time I’m selfish about so I don’t take it for granted.

It doesn’t matter what happens, good days, bad days, or whether I’m happy, sad, anxious, excited, depressed, upset, overjoyed, sick, healthy, injured, etc., it does not matter. The prescription for it all is the weight room. I’ve gone in immediately after getting the best news of my life to celebrate with myself, and I’ve have gone in by myself after having some kind of emotional episode. I went and put the music on as loud as I could so I couldn’t hear myself think, and lifted for an hour with tears running down my face. Essentially lifting the thoughts away and letting any anger and sadness expel itself out of my mind and body, all while in one of the few sacred places in my life where I know I can go and be vulnerable and be exactly who I am.

The weights don’t judge, they don’t lie, all they do is tell you exactly who you are and what you can do.

What is your defining activity and why does it mean so much to you?

There’s an occurrence that happens in everyone’s life at least once where you’re headed down your own path and come upon a fork in the road. Two options that you have to choose from to continue down your path of life. Odds are it isn’t the first, and I can guarantee that it won’t be the last, but it’s a pivotal decision when you come to it. It’s undeniable, because you have to pick because there is no option to keep continuing the way you are. But, hear me when I say that while the decisions vary between each other, they each have their pros and cons about them, and most of the time one option is safe while the other is dangerous. Think for example, staying in the job you can remain in until you retire or, taking a leap of faith and quitting to pursue your dream, whatever that may be.

These forks in the road will always require sacrifice. Sometimes these sacrifices are things you’re not ready to let go of. And to be quite honest, sometimes you never actually let them go, you just make your way down one path over the other, and make yourself realize that what was on the other path is gone and will never have to chance to come to fruition ever again.

Most commonly, these decisions pan out to be dreams vs reality. You have option A, where you let reality settle in, and you forget about what you ever dreamed of doing, because you can’t fathom sacrificing the easy and steady life you’re living, no matter how unfulfilling it may be. Or B, you leave everything you know and escape your reality to hopefully achieve what you always wanted, at the risk of failing and possibly having nothing. I’m sure many have run into this fork before and had to make a decision. And I’m sure that there are a lot of people content with the steadiness, reliability, and lack of work that reality requires. But, I’m not so sure that those people know that they could have very well been in the same spot they are now regardless of what they chose, by unknowingly eliminating “CHANCE”.

The fact is, reality will never stop coming after you. It doesn’t matter how old you get, or how long you fight it off, it will find you and hit you square in the face like a brick. It’s inevitable. So when you take the easy road and just settle for reality and what you deem “normal”, you’re making it easier for reality to catch you. If you go after it and fail, you’ll be right back where you are right now because your work and life experience doesn’t doesn’t lose value, your degrees don’t vanish, and you’re connections don’t disappear. This life you’re living will be readily attainable when you get back if you fail. So don’t sit around thinking “What if?”.

Take a chance. Take the hard road. Pursue your dreams and exhaust every option you have. Leave no stone unturned when it comes to your dream or what you feel your life should look like. Life is full of people who were one shot away from attaining their ultimate goal, but will never know because they decided to succumb to the notion that reality was as good as it was supposed to be for them.

You can always make more money. And there’s a good chance you’ll lose or spend most of the money you’re trying to hold onto. But, you’ll never get to seize an opportunity again, you’ll never experience that event again, you might not ever be able to see that person again, and you may not ever get to realize a dream if you just settle for what’s “easy”. Fight for what you want to be, fight for who you want to be with, and listen to your heart and your gut over what society says when it comes to what you’re supposed to do. Reality and mediocrity will always be waiting for you when the time comes, but the big moments, the dream opportunities, and the long lasting relationships will pass you by in the blink of an eye. Don’t let it.

 

This is a saying that circulated around the weight room while I was playing football in college at San Diego State, initially brought up by the strength coach. It was used as some sort of a motivational piece to help us get into a mindset of going full speed during our upcoming workout or practice. The idea was simple: if you give all of your energy towards the workout, the payoff in the end will outdo what was initially put in. Essentially like an investment. And if you didn’t maximize the amount you put into your investment then you wouldn’t get that back in your return. Basically, give everything you have, and you will see the results quicker and more profoundly than if you only gave some.

This is a pretty well-known idea within the fitness industry and anyone involved in sports, because the more weights you lift, and the more time you spend practicing result in a quick return in growth and skill. But this idea doesn’t just end in the athletic realm, it branches off into other parts of your life all while keeping its continuity regardless of which aspect it’s involved in.

In the workplace, or if regarding a young adult/child a classroom, this saying makes itself useful once again. Take a look at everybody around you and notice the ones that are successful. That means anything, social media, music, art, business, etc. I would bet money that these are the people who do exactly what I am talking about when it pertains to what they are good at. They might not even be the most naturally gifted at what they do, but the fact that they put more of themselves into what they do, when they need to propels them above everyone else, regardless of where they start skill wise.

Relationships and friendships are effected positively by this as well. The only way either can blossom is if you continually feed it your time and energy. If you sit there and withhold things from people in your life, then you and that person will never have a shot to progress forward together. The biggest factor in any kind of relationship is trust, and if you can’t trust that giving more of yourself will benefit it, then you can definitely trust that there will be no growing trust and the relationship will stagnate. People have to believe that they have all of you and know what you’re about in order to trust and make something meaningful between the two of you.

You can’t withhold yourself and expect the same results as if you had given everything you have. Wasting opportunities to get better is a surefire way to never get to the level you want to be at in anything you do. So, if I have any tips regarding going after something, always remind yourself when you’re tired or don’t feel like doing something that necessary, that if you don’t give all of yourself to what you’re doing right now, you’re going to be behind on your progress and the next day you will be playing catch up, trying to make up the work you missed. But here’s the catch, you won’t really be able to ever get those moments back. So get it done now, the more you leave behind, the more you’ll be behind.

Hesitation.

Hesitating is something everyone, everywhere finds themselves doing whether they can help it or not. Yours truly included. And we hesitate in way more situations than you realize and the moments you hesitate in coming in various sizes. Now, I’d like to mention that the opposite of hesitation is impulse, and while a lot of people see impulses as a negative, I like to see everything as the Franz Kapka quote does: “it’s better to have something and not need it, than you need something and not have it”.

Hesitation, more times than not, in my life has had a negative affect on me. Most of the mishaps I’ve experienced and seen happen have been correlated to it, and the only thing I could have done was if I had been more bold and done what was needed when it needed to be done as opposed to hesitating. But, what causes you to be hesitant? Could it be the uncertainty of a situation? The lacking of a feeling of preparedness? Or is it just the little voice in your head being scared of what may happen? Doing new or important things takes you out of you comfort zone, you state of homeostasis. Hesitating prevents you from moving forward within yourself, so see as is.

Think back on any situation or time in your life. Think of the people you were around and look to see which ones have become successful. Those are the people who didn’t hesitate when it came to doing what they needed to, to become what they are now. Now think of what your ambitions were back then. Have you fulfilled them, and if you haven’t why not? Did you hesitate and put off doing the things that were required of you? I’m sure that is the case, only because that is the case with me. There are things I would think that I wanted to do, but I hesitated to get them done, which then turned to me not doing them at all. So, now I sit here and watch friends and others actually doing what I was thinking about because they went for it and got it done. They didn’t hesitate.

Ever been in a car accident? Most car accidents I’ve seen or heard about are because someone hesitated in what they were doing. Either go or don’t go, there’s no in between. You have to commit to your decision while in the car. Ever needed to tell somebody something but you didn’t, and now the opportunity has past and you can’t? You have to voice your feelings and make what your thinking known right then and there, waiting will slowly remove your chances and being able to. Even if you out at the bar and you see someone you find yourself attracted to, go talk to them before someone else does. I bet if you wait then you lose your chance and won’t be able to meet them.

Basically, what I’m saying is you’re the one holding yourself back because you keep hesitating instead of just making the decision to do something when the opportunity is in front of you. Sometimes you luck out and the opportunity is still there when you finally come around to going after it, but even then you’ll realize that you could have had it much earlier. And if it’s too late, you’ll always wonder “what if?”. What if you had made the call right then, could you be on your way to what you wanted to be doing right now. To put things in simple terms, DON’T BE AFRAID OF SUCCESS!!!

“I plan on” or “I might”

I have a big bone to pick with the idea of talking about the things you think you might do. Too many people speak about what they plan on planning to do, and I am one of the culprits. I learned awhile ago that speaking on things you have thought about making moves towards is almost like sabotaging yourself. I see people all the time who get so much satisfaction from telling people what they “might” do, or what they’re “thinking about” doing, that they never get around to actually doing it.

So, I decided to make a change in how I approached my goals and plans with the first step being to keep them to myself. In my opinion, nobody but you needs to know about your plans because nobody can help you when you’re just in the planning stage. Reveal yourself when you have all your loose ends tied and are ready to move forward, because otherwise what you planned to do means nothing. Basically, either do it and complete it or don’t. No one wants to hear what you might do. In a social setting, it is wise to keep your plans to yourself. Telling others who have done what you plan on doing is unimportant and doesn’t help anybody. It’s a stagnant statement that goes nowhere, so be worried about the things you’ve done and be a finisher, not a “think-abouter”. If that’s even a thing.

 

“I almost ___”

The other deterrent of progress that I’ve seen is the use of the crutch “almost”. So many people are so worried and perplexed about things that ALMOST happened, either in general or to them. Now, you should absolutely acknowledge these things that almost come to fruition because it lets you know that it is possible, but also realize that there was something that prevented it as well, so take note, learn from it, and move forward. Moments that almost happened shouldn’t be given the same space as things that did because they in fact did not happen. And it makes a lot of sense to not let things that didn’t actually happen take up real estate, so that’s why its somewhat baffling to see people let that happen. Eliminate the power that “almost” holds, good or bad, and focus what actually happens in your life. The real occurrences. And on another social note, no one cares what you almost did or said, or what almost happened to you because that doesn’t matter. It didn’t happen, so there’s no reason why any one should be worried of it.

“Almost” can be detrimental regardless of it being something good or bad. For example, being scared to drive because you almost got in an accident one time isn’t beneficial to you. But also, being consumed by something good that almost happened can lead you in circles eventually spitting you out no further than when you started. Like gambling in a casino, you continue to bet and bet because you keep ALMOST winning. Almost doesn’t pay you out, all it does is set you up and keep you putting your money on the table for you to lose.

 

All I am trying to say is you shouldn’t worry about the things you might do, or what has almost happened to you because they get you nowhere, they don’t lead to progression. Focus your mind on what you get done and what actually happens to you promotes growth in both yourself and your place in life because you’re only worried about things that are there. So, keep silent in your moves, only reveal what you’ve done, and take note of the real occurrences in your life and you will see yourself making moves forward instead of becoming stagnant.

I for sure don’t have enough fingers and toes to count how many times I have been asked by someone I know how I was doing, for my response to be just a simple, “I’m fine”. A lot of those times I actually was fine, but to be honest there were also a lot of times where I wasn’t and was just saying that to avoid opening myself up. Now, this isn’t crossing my mind because I’m hiding a huge mental struggle or anything like that, but because the word fine is such a stagnating word to use when talking about yourself and I feel that it’s seeping its way into what I consider normal. And it could possibly be doing the same for you.

The word “fine” is one of the biggest cop-outs I’ve ever come to know in life due to it being such a versatile word to explain away just about anything. Physical pain, emotional pain, and even important things you just don’t want to talk about. Sometimes it’s almost like a knee-jerk reaction where you immediately just say that you’re fine even before you actually know if you are or not. Almost like when you say “Ow!” right when you hit or bump into something before you get a chance to even feel if it hurt or not. It’s similar to a safety word that exempts you from having to explain yourself, and is a readily accessible crutch waiting for you to use whenever you need it. I know that words by themselves shouldn’t have as much power as we give them, but this one is used and abused by everyone and it never loses its effectiveness. But, it does make you feel comfortable and safe, when it is really a cancer to your growth as a person and peace of mind. Think about every time or instance you’ve used it. Were you really fine? Did it help you? Or did it just leave you in the same place you started?

There’s a common occurrence that I find myself in a lot in my professional and personal life where I have something on my mind that I want to talk about with a specific person, and almost like clockwork, they present themselves and ask how everything is going and how I am. Perfect opportunity to express what’s on my mind because it’s the person I need to speak to and the topic was brought up by them, we’re all set up to have the conversation. But do I? No. I don’t. I say I’m fine and everything is going swimmingly, blah blah blah. So now, instead of handling what I needed to handle and getting my concern out on the table, all I’ve done is postpone the conversation with the same problem still on my hands. I didn’t help myself, in fact I hindered myself.

The biggest anecdote I have to use as an example takes me back to my senior year of High School. I had a decision to make between two schools on where I was going to play football: The University of Nevada Reno and San Diego State University. Now, the hitch in this decision is the fact that I was already verbally committed to play for Nevada and had told the coaches I was going to sign with them and had been on my official visit under that impression. But, I had just gotten home from my visit at SDSU and in my mind I really wanted to go there, but I couldn’t just commit to them right then, I would have to de-commit from Nevada first. So there I am, 18 years old, knowing that I have to call that night and break the news because if I wait any longer the opportunity at SDSU might not be there in the next few days.

I’m talking to my parents, pacing back and forth, trying to figure out what I’m going to say, and just trying to muster up some courage to pick up to phone to make the call, when the phone rings. It’s my coach from Nevada. Perfect timing right? Now I don’t have to make the call, so step number 1 is already handled, and now I just have to break the news and it’ll all be over. Seems easy enough. But I don’t. I talk to him how I always do and don’t even give off a hint that something isn’t right and make plans for him to come visit me at school later that week, say goodbye and hang up. I look at my parents in the face and they’re just like, “what the hell dude, I thought you were going to tell him?” and pretty much tell me that if I don’t call him back right now then I’m going to Nevada and not SDSU. So now the anxiety has set in ALL OVER AGAIN and I have to do this whole thing over, just making it that much harder. So I finally make the call and break the news and boom, it’s handled just like that. Something that could’ve been done in 10 minutes took me over an hour of anxiousness and fear to do so. All because I wanted to be “fine” and didn’t want to rattle the cage even when it would be for the betterment of myself.

I think we feel that anything other than fine is considered weak, and everyone seems to have a similar fear of being seen as weak or less than. But the reality is that acting as if you have no weaknesses and hiding it is actually the biggest weakness. If you don’t address your needs or feelings because you don’t want to stray away or risk the possibility of showing yourself under the mask you put on, then you’ll never progress as a human and never be able to put yourself in prime positions for success and happiness. It’s okay to not be fine, and being vulnerable promotes growth. Because if you can go through your day and not be afraid of your vulnerabilities, and acknowledge the fact they exist, you can learn how to improve on them and in turn grow as a person.

You can’t fill the gaps in your life if they’re always guarded by the walls you put up.